"Buddha Butt" and homesickness...

Warning: Content on this one is slightly graphic and gross.

As residents of one of the teacher-apartment buildings on campus, we get to participate daily in the game I am calling “Whose poop?” All of the bathrooms’ piping is connected, so we are continually wondering, whose poop is in our toilet? Tyler is usually a fierce competitor in the feces scene; however, I have recently picked up a severe case of what we’re referring to as "Buddha Butt."

After a couple of days, I went to the pharmacy to find something, anything to make this stop. Describing what was wrong with me was the most humiliating game of charades I have ever and will ever play. I was given two different boxes, one of pills and one of tea. The pills, I am supposed take eight of, but take six in fear of overdosing. The tea, I am supposed to consume twice a day, but refuse to drink ever again, for the powder looks like textured vegetable protein and, once mixed, tastes quite similar to earwax. I was pretty sure I had a fever the other night and it seems as if I am sick daily, not to mention the weakness caused by the aforementioned Buddha Butt. I feel like a flight attendant all over again.

Remember when at summer camp, that first week, all you wanted to do was go home? That’s the stage I’m in. I am constantly reminding myself of all the good and talking myself out of hopping on the next plane heading West. As cool as it is to be here, I really want to come home. I am not a creature of habit so much as I am a creature of my Three Fs. I miss my family, my friends, and all the spectacular food found in Austin. I miss Texas and not teaching children who can’t speak English. I keep daydreaming about coming home, the apartment I’m going to get, and how I'm going to paint & decorate it. After a while, I'm going to get a used (but new to me) car and a Great Dane, a fantastic apartment dog because they're so lazy. Heck, maybe I'll just ride him like a horse instead of buying a car. I'll name him Yi Pi Ma (pronounced ee pee mah), which is horse in Chinese.

Of course, all this daydreaming keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning. When I DO fall asleep, I have rapid, vivid dreams that are all exceedingly awesome, but keep me on edge all night, instead of restful and relaxed. They have been jumping from story line to story line, like That Mitchell & Webb Look, except not as funny. I was having some dream or the other when it suddenly switched to anime, Cowboy Bebop or Kill Bill style. There was a Samuel L. Jackson type character who was trying to kill me, but I had natural defense skills, so he decided to take me under his wing, saying, "You are like me. Assassination was not created for you, but you were instead created to assassinate." There is something in the food here that is messing with my brain and my intestines. Also, anything that wakes me up (usually the incessant honking in the streets), marks the beginning of a new couple-hour daydream session. Rinse and repeat.

Classes are going mostly well. We moved from breaking the ice to greetings, dialogues, and small talk/getting to know somebody. Tomorrow, we’ll start with the pronunciation of all the letters (when they spell things out, they don’t say the letter; they say the sound the letter makes) and daily routines. Most of the kids are sweet, but some insist on talking or doing homework for other classes, forcing me to separate kids and shut their books as I walk through the classroom. Some of them genuinely want to learn English though, which is refreshing. Last week, a girl asked me to autograph her book. I thought nothing of it and agreed. What happened next was similar to having a tornado of Velociraptors crash into you. Hands wielding pens and paper came from every direction. One boy even asked me to sign his shirt.

Tyler and I have begun to feel like the people who sneak in junk food at a health food retreat. We have also compared eating the only available Western food (potato chips, soda, and Oreos) to having sex with a prostitute: great at the time, but leaves you feeling guilty afterwards.

On another note, we went and climbed a mountain again. This one is called the Terrace or something, due to the rice terraces on the sides. I was feeling pretty awful, but I was determined to get to the top, even if we had to stop and eat lunch halfway up to give my body a break.

That’s pretty much it for now. Keepin’ my head up and my cheeks clenched,
Beth(eee)/Fern-bot.